My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
