im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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