I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
