i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
