guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
