My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
