Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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