I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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