Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
