The maid of honor just puked.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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