I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
