Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
