I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
