I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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