I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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