Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
