At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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