he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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