Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
