if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
