I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
