don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
