no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
