I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
