It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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