you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
cat food counts as protein by the way
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
