he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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