we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
