when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
