I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
