I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
God, I missed his penis.
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