Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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