Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
