I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
