I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
