I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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