She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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