I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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