I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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