Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
