In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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