all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
