I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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