Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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