Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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