I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
