Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
