you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
