its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
