Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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