taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
