Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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