you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
