I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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