We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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