Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
