So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
