Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
