My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
