One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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