Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
