So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
