Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
