Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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