The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
