tell your sister to shave her snatch
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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