You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
