Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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