So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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