I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
