A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
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