Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
should my penis look like a turkey
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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