Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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